


Some Angel You Are

by spnsmile



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean Winchester, Best Friends, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Overprotective Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Protectiveness, Romantic Friendship, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 06:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18441230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spnsmile/pseuds/spnsmile
Summary: Dean has been very hard to Castiel after Mary's death. Castiel has been taking everything in because he knows it's his fault. And Dean never apologized. But Dean is about to lose Cas one last time and it isn't to the Empty yet.He's about to lose Cas to his real family upstairs.





	Some Angel You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after 14x18
> 
> Wont be dealing with Jack really! Will focus on Castiel and Dean as new choices are made out of pain.

Dean inhales, his grip on the beer cracking its side. His eyes livid. He wasn't ready for Castiel yet.

  
But Castiel had wandered on the kitchen late that night, several hours after Mary's funeral with pyre. Castiel should not be facing him now. He knew he intend to hurt. He rather be left alone. Dean was sure Castiel saw that when their eyes met. He gave the angel a warning. He made sure Castiel knew what he was dealing with. He grits his teeth when the angel still silently ambled inside the kitchen and Dean had an impulse to shot out of his chair.

  
The sight of Cas angers him still. Cas walks toward him and Dean is already on his feet, ready to flee. A hand pulled him gently back, but Dean pulls his arm roughly away, glaring eyes falling on the angel as they stood in a dangerous proximity and Dean had to clench his hand so as not to grab that dirty trench coat and hurt... Just hurt someone.

  
Castiel saw his pain and it was reflected on the angel's eyes but Dean didn't care. He wasn't ready and whatever Castiel would hear from him, he'd make sure it was the angel who asked for it.

  
He gave him a fucking warning.

  
"Dean-" came his soft voice and Dean's eyes were murderous as he turned.

  
"Don't." he said tartly, then his hand was pointing at Castiel's face. "Just don't, Cas. You caused me..." he breathed, unable to put words in the loss he felt, but managed to make his eyes even sharper, "The one thing I wanted since I was a kid. The one thing... I never had. What Sam never had. You caused it."

  
Castiel stood stock still, blue eyes on the stone floor with lips down. Dean hated him. No, he hated Jack. No, he hated what happened- no he just had to hate something. His hand found its way on Castiel's collar. The anglel didn't even flinch but found his eyes on him. Dean was still feeling the pounding of pounding anger in his ears. Castiel remained calm. Sad, yes. But ever calm. Dean realized he wanted to strip that cold, angelic mask away. Wanted to see Castiel suffer as he and Sam were suffering. He had forgotten everything Cas stood for. Right now at this moment, he was only one of those instruments for his mother's death. Just like how Dean was to his father. He hated himself. He hated Cas too.

  
"You don't get to explain yourself. She's gone. Save it and do something about the Nephilim." he pushes Castiel back with force he didn't intend to be strong, but it nearly knocked Castiel off his feet. Cas wasn't looking at him and Dean decides he doesn't care anymore. He turns to leave.

  
Only, something tugged at the hem of his shirt. Looking back, he saw Castiel's finger clutching him back. He glares up, ready to spout fire but the angel beat him to it.  
"I am taking responsibility, Dean." Castiel meets his eyes and they were sorrowful, "So whatever painful words... whatever you think you want to say to me. Say it. Don't hold back. I need to hear it. I deserved it. All of it... So please... just... don't avoid me. Anthing but that, Dean."

  
Dean continued glaring, eyes fixated at the angel, "Why? Because there's no one else to care about you? Not Jack, not mom? Because mom's dead!" even Dean was surprised at his own words. Castiel looks up in fear and surprise, his mouth falling open. But Dean saw the effect thoroughly as the angel's hand clutching his shirt fell down his side and Castiel gulps heavily.

  
"I'm... so sorry."

  
Dean snorts.

"That's all I ever got from you since we met, huh? Sorry? Have you ever realized you've been giving me that same broken tune? Because you know you always mess up, Cas. You're a messed up angel who doesnt know shit about guarding! If you cared- if you cared about Sam or me or mom's safety, you would have told us what a fucking ticking bomb Jack was! But you didn't! Instead you decided to fly away and chase whatever stupid solution you got inside that feathery brains of yours! Because you always have to have faith! Because you always have to believe in something not even there! On your own! We were there, Cas! The hell you were thinking- we were there and you didn't trust us! Didn't trust us to handle Jack! Didn't trust us with your plan! Well, wake up call, Castiel, when had your plan ever worked? You're the angel who was supposed to save the day and now where you got us! Some angel you are." 

Dean turns his feet after finally seeing that impressed pain on Castiel's face. He said he deserved it, Dean thinks now that maybe he did. He left Castiel standing in the middle of the kitchen and stormed out back to his room.

  
He doesnt care that he lashed unjustly to the only angel who ever sacrificed a lot of things for him. But the dark side on Dean's head wanted to remind him of the avalanche that came with the angel in his life... All the lost he suffered right after him. Because Castiel, as did other angels recognized, was really broken even from there above.

  
Had he stayed longer, he would have heard a tiny sound of the angel crying.

* * *

Castiel stayed inside his car for the rest of the night with eyes only at the hidden front door of the Bunker. His car was parked just outside it, to that ground where Dean's impala always parks. The Bunker's door was close, and in the angel's opinion he was outside of it for a reason. He didn't feel like he belonged there anymore. Not what after Dean said...

  
He knew Dean didn't mean it. Knew from a fact that Dean Winchester was that kind of man amidst a terrible lost. Yet despite all his flaws, Dean remains to be the only human soul to be as bright as the stars in his eyes. Dean with his suffering heart because he loved too much and suffered. The fact that Cas can't do anything to heal him pains him much more than Dean's words. Words of anger. But during their heated interaction, Castiel was trying to control himself not to pull Dean in an embrace. Because that's what Dean's expression meant to him. That was what Dean was trying to tell him. Dean was pushing him away because he knew if he didn't, then Dean will forgive him. He knew Dean wasn't ready for that but Castiel wanted to help him so he tried to make him talk.  
It doesn't matter what Dean says to him. Dean has to let out the anger or in the end... The man will blame himself. Dean always blames himself and Castiel will have none of that. Not when he was partly responsible of his pain. Let Dean rightfully direct all blame and anger to that other existence he would feel less guilty about. Him. He's always been that expandable for the Winchesters and as their angel and best friend, it was something he was committed with.

  
Else he would have nothing. Dean was right. He had nothing. Not in heaven... maybe even here... Castiel closes his eyes as his ears rang with Dean's voice.

  
_Some angel you are._

  
He didn't expect that sudden twist in Dean's words. He didn't... He didn't know that this was how Dean really sees him now. The fallen angel of the lord. Something heavy like chains seemed to tug inside his chest, gripping tight like a snake encircling his heart.

  
The snake.

  
Jack.

  
Mary.

  
Sam and Dean.

  
Castiel dropped his head on his free hand. He should have... He never should have left them. Dean was right. He should have spoken to them aboit Jack. Now it was too late and Dean doesn't even look at him the same way. Castiel didn't know if he could leave with that. He didn't even know of there's something he can still do for the Winchesters. Should he go back in heaven and... No, Mary was already at peace. Duma was right... The only people incomplete now are those left behind.

  
_Them_.

  
Castiel unconsciously fishes out something from the pocket of his coat. Pulling it up, he let the necklace tumble in the air, holding its end as it hung in front of his eyes. Once upon a time he remembered nearly breaking Dean's neck for it. Who would habe thought he'd find this. He intended to give it to Dean, imagining Dean's surprise and delight at finding something he treasured. But that illusion was now gone, and what was left was Dean too angry to even speak to him. Castiel sighed heavily and put the necklace back inside his pocket with head turning back to the Bunker.

  
The Bunker he always looked forward to returning after a hunt where Sam would be found reading a book, Dean in front of his laptop and Jack in the kitchen finishing his cereal. It was all too far away now. Castiel felt a tightness in his chest again. Too painful to bear that it made his eyes water.

  
_Please make it stop._

  
Pressing his red eyes close, the angel heaved another sigh and was about to wipe the dampness that fell on his cheeks when a familiar buzzing like statics came alive in his head. He put a careful fingertip at the end of his temple and frowned at the angel radio. He heard a familiar voice speaking. Castiel then heard his name being called.  
Quietly, his car's engine came to life. Maneuvering the car, he drove it with a sandbox in mind.

* * *

When Cas walked towards the sandbox under the moonlight, he instantly recognized Naomi's form waiting for him at the foot of the box. She was staring at him placidly, like the white moonlight, so pristine and serene. Naomi looked business like to him.

  
"I heard you, Castiel." is her words of greeting, both hands together and pressed in front of her, "I always hear you."

  
Cas looked at her from head to toe with tentative eyes darting around. She continued her composure and waited patiently till Castiel was in front of her.

  
Upon making sure that it was not a trap, Castiel gave Naomi and curious look.  
"Are you going to give me Mary Winchester?" he tried, feeling hopeful.

  
Naomi did not respond. She didn't even consider gracing him with an answer and Castiel found his eyes dropping on the ground.

  
It was worth the try.

  
"How are you, Castiel?" Naomi's voice was monotonous and Cas couldn't help but look up at her. "How's the fallen life with humans?"

Cas immediately frowns. "Is that meant to be an insult?"

  
Naomi merely stares at him, then simply shakes her head. "So much suspicion and malice... You cannot even recognize you're own kinds' concern. Have you forgotten how it feels like to live free from these burdens, Castiel?"

  
Castiel found his throat constricted. He blinked several times at Naomi and then tilted his head to his left.

  
"What do you mean that you can always hear me? Why did you call me here?"

  
Naomi paused, and then to Castiel's surprised, she stepped out of her zone towards him. He stood his ground till they were eye to eye. Naomi looked as composed as she always was in heaven. But her smile unnerved him when she spoke next:

  
"You've always been the famous spanner in the work, remember? This isn't the first time I heard your distress call Castiel."

  
Cas blinks up at her. He waited for her to explain. She did.

"But you lasted longer than the last time you came back. You always came back. And I do not know how much you remember or whether you believe me or not but... It's not always me whose' initiating your 'recovery', Castiel. What we call 'reset'."

  
In a blink of an eye, Cas remembers the time with Ion, the control on him and the angel tablets. How she erased their memory, how she was in control of heaven. Suddenly, Naomi was once again a threat. She only smiled as he stepped back.

  
"You don't have to worry. I do not think I needed to persuade you. Soon, you'll realize and I think you are about to... that you needed this. You have to understand, Castiel... The number of times I had to do it was not only because you were uncontrollable. But because most of the time your heart... tends to sway into unhappy situations and sometimes you can't even take it. So you ask for me. This isn't the first time I deal with a broken angel, Castiel. And certainly not the first of you."

  
Castiel tried absorbing everything she was saying but all he could do was stare with mouth gaping open.

  
"Do you mean to tell me that I wanted... That it was my choice to have my memories...?"

"Yes." she replied simply, "You see Castiel, you were always true to your nature. Of having too much handful of... Sympathy for humanity. It has always been like that frommthe very beginning. But you were so kind that not all angels really left your side even when you were causing mayhem. So it was alright for them to reset you... And sometimes it's alright with you too. Though I think the reason why you lasted this long was you having the illusion that you were never alone that you needed to protect 'them'."

Castiel felt like he was hit in the gut. He wanted to defend his best friends but Mary's lost was so overwhelming he suddenly doubted if Sam and Dean still wanted... Or even needed him.

Castiel gave a long sigh. "What is it that you want, Naomi?"

"I have a proposition. A deal, if you may."

"I still have a number of deals with me..." he grumbled with eyebrows contorting worriedly, lips pressing uncertainly but Naomi only nodded.

"I know. And as the angel who saved heaven... Do you really think we will let the Entity take one of our own on its choice? Heaven already has few angels left, Castiel. Having another one saved from this place is something we will gladly take on."

Castiel still looked unconvinced. "I cannot just leave Sam and Dean to deal with Jack-"  
Naomi's eyes glinted in the moonlight.

"The Nephilim can be dealt with as it is an angelic problem as well, but the Winchesters. They are not part of this deal, Castiel because in reality... It is from them we are saving you from. And now that it seems you are willing to take initiative..."

She regarded him with a knowing look and Castiel could only look back with eyes full of question.

_Saving him from... Sam and Dean?_

**Author's Note:**

> Will be very short. Castiel needs a savior! So maybe it will be himself...?
> 
> The famous... Walk away?


End file.
